Connecticut teen embraces life without social media: finding joy in real-life experiences
Although I stay away from social media, I notice changes in the behavior, speech, and dress of other boys and girls. When phrases get repeated, or a style of clothing or hairstyle spreads, I realize some influencer imposed that style… I do not follow these trends. Being individual and authentic remains much more important to me.
- 4 months ago
July 28, 2024
The Bulkeley family together over Christmas | Photo courtesy of the Bulkeley family
CONNECTICUT, United States — At 13 years old, I finally got a mobile phone, but my parents do not allow me to use social media. Almost all my friends have social media accounts, and I often feel left out when they talk about videos I never saw. Yet, I believe staying away from that universe is better for now.
Despite my friends’ constant social media use, I find joy living in the present and paying attention to the world around me. My parents will allow me to access social media when I turn 18 years old, and I hope that when I do, it will not become an obsessive or unhealthy habit. For now, I focus on real-life experiences and cherish the moments I spend offline
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Offline in the pandemic: My parents’ decision to keep us off social media
During the COVID-19 Pandemic, at a young age, my parents gathered my sister and me to explain that while many people use social media all day, they did not believe it was best for us. I accepted their decision and grew used to doing a lot of physical activities at home.
As dancers, my sister and I love choreographing routines to music, which is always present in our home. Alongside my parents, we do puzzles, play board games, and build with Legos or make train tracks. We embraced this kind of entertainment during the Pandemic. Screens and social media held no place for us, and I never felt cut off. I texted and called my friends, rather than sharing photos like others who display their entire day online.
More of my classmates at school now use social media. Many obtained phones long ago and have autonomy in various apps. During classes, the school requires we keep our phones in our lockers, far away from the classroom. Students may only retrieve them at the end of the day. Yet, social media still feels present among us.
Although I stay away from social media, I notice changes in the behavior, speech, and dress of other boys and girls. When phrases get repeated, or a style of clothing or hairstyle spreads, I realize some influencer imposed that style. Responding to these trends can make you more popular at school. When something becomes “in fashion,” many adapt and copy it. While I see no major problem, I do not follow these trends. Being individual and authentic remains much more important to me.
Living offline: “No social media until I turn 18”
Fortunately, my friends do not seem obsessed with social media. They use it, but do not spend hours scrolling. We communicate through texts, calls, or FaceTime. At times I felt left out – not fully part of the group – and wanted to open an account, but never considered doing so secretively against my parents’ wishes. Instead, I talked to them. I explained how I felt, but the rule remained clear: no social media until I turned 18.
Sometimes, it feels hard to accept but I remember I am not really missing out on anything important. One afternoon, after school, as my friends and I chatted and laughed, the conversation shifted to TikTok and Snapchat videos. The references made no sense to me, and I felt left out. For a few minutes, I simply watched them laugh at jokes and refer to people I never encountered. It felt awkward but it did not last long.
Sometimes, my friends show me the videos they talk about and honestly, they do not resonate with me or seem very funny. These experiences reinforce my acceptance not to have social media. I believe my parents made the right decision for my sister and me.
My sister, who is two years older than me, has limited access to Instagram because she needs it for her activities. I watch her use it. The space to share photos seems cute and appealing, but not much beyond that. I’m not dying to have an account.
Embracing life without social media drama
More than once, I saw strange fights between classmates break out. One person blamed the other for something that happened virtually, and the conflict ended with people blocking each other, making things worse. It seems a bit ridiculous to me. Blocking someone becomes an easy way to escape a situation you refuse to confront face to face. Telling someone, “I don’t want to be friends anymore,” is harder and takes more courage than blocking them on Snapchat or Instagram.
I sense that those of us without access to social media, who stay connected to the real world, process things differently. It appears that my peers who spend a lot of time in those spaces lose attention span and find it difficult to think in a focused way for longer periods of time.
Several times, while walking in the streets with my friends, I see people using social media and missing important details around them. When I see something nice like a flower, a puppy, or a cat, I stop to contemplate it and enjoy the moment. Others take out their phones and start taking photos or recording videos. They no longer see what is in front of them directly but through the screen. For me, that makes the experiences less interesting.
Avoiding social media, I do not develop that addiction. I have more time to do other things like reading, going for walks, and playing outside. As a result, it makes me more active than people who spend all day on their phones. I feel like this experience will change how I live my life now and in the future.
Navigating limited tech shapes my perspective
The platform I can access is YouTube, which allows me to look up information for school and subscribe to some channels. I understand what happens to those who spend hours on social media. When I see a notification from a channel I follow, I feel tempted to watch their new videos immediately. Playing a video passes the time. Some days, it takes me a while to realize how much time I wasted. Luckily, that happens infrequently.
In our home, we also opt not to use Neflix. Again, my sister and I feel left out when people talk about their favorite series. We complained to our parents and asked them to pay for a subscription several times, but they refused. So, we watch what comes up on television at the moment, and fight over the remote control.
Old-fashioned and conservative, my parents dislike technology and see little value in paying for it. My sister and I will not win that battle. To be honest, I do not feel eager to fight that fight. I am old-fashioned myself. While people my age naturally know a lot about technology and how to operate devices, I know little. I like to listen to old music – The Beatles or Elton John – and enjoy films from other eras like Singin’ in the Rain.
One day, when my parents finally allow me to use social media, I want to believe I will not spend my days online. In my mind, I imagine myself logging on occasionally to see what others are talking about but without obsessing. There’s a much bigger and interesting world out there, and I don’t want to miss it by getting trapped on a screen.
