Abortion: the most arduous decision

I got pregnant just as I ended the most painful relationship of my life. 

I didn’t want to have it, but I didn’t have information or know where to go, so I decided to perform an abortion myself.

A WhatsApp group guided me through the entire process.

I ended up in a hospital, bleeding and at the edge of death.

The worst news of my life

I decided to have an abortion at home. 

I felt a complex range of emotions: fear, ignorance, despair, helplessness, anxiety, sadness, anguish. 

Compounding these feelings: I was alone, away from my family and friends: . 

It was a secret that I was always going to carry with me, and, it suffocated me to know that I had a person inside me as a result of a very toxic relationship. 

In the end, I didn’t want to have any connection with the person who made me suffer for so long.

Biggest disappointment

The abortion happened two years ago.

I met Juan, my ex-boyfriend, through the internet, and the beginning was dreamy. I fell in love with his kindness, his constant attention, and his companionship. 

As the months went by, all of that faded.

He started asking me for more money and he said he had financial difficulties. 

I was very disappointed and I became very depressed. 

I realized then that I was in a very toxic relationship. 

News gets worse

Two months after breaking up, I received the worst news: I was pregnant.

I was desperate and didn’t know what to do. 

I cried a lot. 

My family is very religious, and because of that, we did not discuss these issues.

“Why is this happening to me?”

I felt anguish, sadness, and anger against my ex-boyfriend, but I calmed down and tried to focus on the solution. 

Finally, I took the decision: I was going to abort the pregnancy. 

Looking for the answer

I knew what I wanted but not how to do it. 

Abortion is taboo here, and therefore, there is not much information.

The best option was to do it illegally in a clinic, but I did not have the funds to pay for it. 

I started to look for more information online, and I ended up buying some pills. 

After receiving them after ordering, I opened the box and it was empty. I’d been duped.

The weeks kept running, and I didn’t have much time left.

Abortion was becoming a dangerous option.

The thought of salvation

I kept searching the internet until I found a WhatsApp group that was my salvation. 

It was a space where I was listened to and respected. 

They didn’t know me, and I didn’t know them.

They guided me throughout the process through videos, texts, and audio. The group had already helped women perform around 300 abortions since its inception in 2017. 

Although they have no medical training, they study each case and indicate the dose and how long the process will take. 

RELATED: ‘Historic day for Argentine women’: Abortion legalized

Lonely and desperate

The day I received a package with pills sent by the group, the abortion was already underway. 

I felt so bad that I had to call Juan — my ex-boyfriend — who I never thought I would see again. I didn’t feel guilty because he was also responsible.

The moment had come, and I took the pills. I started to feel weird. I lost consciousness, and I fainted after losing a lot of blood. 

The next thing I remember was waking up in the corridor of a hospital. 

Juan was desperate. He feared for my life. 

That night was horrible. The bleeding did not stop, and my life was at risk.

I didn’t want my family to know about my situation. 

Taboo

Days after, I was fully recovered and able to get home, and I pretended that nothing happened.

The silence of the hospital brought loneliness and reflection.

During my time there, I decided to tell my mother what happened. She is the person I love the most in the world and the one I trust, but I knew she would condemn me for life. 

That’s why I didn’t say anything in the end. 

Some years ago, you couldn’t talk about abortion. It is more common than you think. 

Feminism brought it to the debate and, today, in Argentina, it is law. 

I’m sharing my story because of what we achieved as a society.

I hope that no more women have to go through what I went through.