Total Wellness Show host among 50 women changing journalism in Nigeria, recounts losing memories to postpartum amnesia
The first year felt unbearable. I struggled to see my children as mine, even though the constant pain from breastfeeding reminded me to care for them… Suicidal thoughts overwhelmed me as frustration took over.
- 1 month ago
October 14, 2024
Kris is a wellness entrepreneur who inspires women through her personal journey with amnesia. | Photo courtesy of Kris's Facebook
LAGOS, Nigeria — One late night in 2013, while preparing for a bath, everything suddenly began to spin and I collapsed on the floor. My family tried to revive me, but I remained unconscious. With the help of our neighbors, they rushed me to a nearby hospital, where doctors diagnosed me with dangerously high blood pressure.
Tirelessly, the doctors fought to stabilize me. Ultimately, they saved my life, but when I awoke, I felt strange. Looking around, the hospital seemed unfamiliar. I lay in the bed and watched people entering the room. They called my name and poked at me but panic set in when I recognized no one. That night I lost my memories. Amnesia took away any recognition of my children, husband, mother, and extended family. For two years, I navigated a dark and unfamiliar world. Then, one day, my memories surged back all at once.
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Woman struggles with memory loss after sudden collapse
Before my collapse in the bedroom, I worked in communications, modeled for top companies, and enjoyed a simple life with my husband and two children. However, in an instant, I entered a dark chapter. After the doctors saved my life, they recognized my distress and amnesia. The doctors put me back to sleep to provide me with more time for recovery.
When I awoke the second time, I still could not recognize anyone, including my husband and brother. I began a long journey to understand what happened to me and to help others grasp my experience.
In despair, my husband rushed home, grabbed family photos, and brought them back, hoping to trigger my memories. I looked closely at the pictures but recognized no one, not even myself. My family quickly understood the gravity of my condition.
Severe amnesia leaves woman unable to recognize her family
When I spoke in the hospital, for some reason, I thought that I was 16 years old and grappled with the notion of how I became a mother of two children. I felt sharp pains in my breast, which forced me to accept the reality that I had a five-month-old baby. To relieve the discomfort, I breastfed but I felt no emotional connection to the baby. I viewed breastfeeding solely as a way to ease the pain.
Following several hours of cognitive tests, the doctors found no physical issues. Consequently, they discharged me, hoping I might start remembering things at home. Desperately, I wanted to leave the hospital but hesitated to go with strangers who claimed to be my family. With no other option, I went with them.
When I returned home, I felt strange. I stayed indoors, feeling uncertain about the world outside. My family played movies and tried various methods to help me remember, but nothing worked. Despite the distance, my parents traveled for several hours to be with me. They hoped I might recognize them, but my memories remained elusive.
While many people who experienced a situation similar to mine wound up in a vegetative state, died, or became paralyzed, doctors saw me as a miracle. They examined my limbs to ensure everything functioned properly. After several sessions and brain scans, they confirmed no underlying issues.
After a year of hardship, mother reconnects with her children
The first year of me living without my memory felt unbearable. I struggled to see my children as mine, even though the constant pain from breastfeeding reminded me to care for them. Relearning everything from scratch felt miserable. I had to learn to drive, cook, and use a remote control again.
To grasp the world around me, I watched television. I tried hard to recognize my country, state, and governor. Suicidal thoughts overwhelmed me as frustration took over. Feeling useless to myself and everyone around me, I hated my life. Frequently, I wanted to flee, yet I felt lost about where to go and how to cover the expenses.
One day, my son grabbed my leg and called me “Mama,” leaving me distressed. I broke down and sobbed like a baby. While I cried, I held him and my youngest child. Gazing into their faces, I felt awful for disappointing and punishing them with my inability to connect. Thankfully, my mom, my brother, and his wife stepped in to care for my children.
Gradually, I began to connect with and love my children like a mother. To jog my memory, I forced myself to look at photos of myself and compare them to my reflection in the mirror, trying to see if the faces matched. I thought about having another baby, hoping it would awaken the maternal instinct that I struggled to find. My mom agreed with me as childbirth was a significant event.
At that moment, I no longer cared if my memory returned, as I grew exhausted from receiving orders from others. I wanted to start life anew. According to the doctors, no one could determine when my memory might return. It could take months, years, or might never happen. To avoid disappointment, I chose not to embrace hope. I decided to move forward, accepting my memory would never return.
Despite amnesia, woman discovers job opportunities
Shortly, I became pregnant. My mom felt overjoyed when I welcomed a baby girl. At the same time, I began searching for ways to earn money and care for my children. My husband recalled a training I attended just before losing my memory, where I praised a trainer named Jones Usen. He encouraged me to write a letter to reconnect with him, believing it might help me reenter the media and pursue my passion.
Despite not remembering Jones, I wrote the letter, explaining my situation. Thankfully, he recognized me and agreed to support me, for which I will always be grateful. I began absorbing the information he gave. Before my meeting with him, my husband had printed a copy of my CV for me, even as I continued to struggle to acquire basic life knowledge.
Fortunately, I secured an internship at a radio station. Even with my past achievements, I felt excited to begin my internship. Shortly after, a call came in for me to become the new host a television show. The producers remained oblivious to my amnesia, and I felt terrified. “What if I lose this opportunity,” I thought. I asked whether I would read from a script, but they informed me I needed to interview people.
Although I felt worried about my ignorance and inexperience, I wondered if this could be a crucial step toward my recovery. I embraced the challenge, researching the guests, building my confidence, and appearing on television. No one noticed my memory loss, thanks to how convincingly I performed. To avoid pity or being seen as insane, particularly given Nigeria’s prejudices, I kept some distance from others to hide my condition.
Woman regains lost memories after argument with husband
One night, after my husband and I had gone to sleep, vivid images suddenly began to play in my mind, transporting me to a place familiar yet distant. Memories flooded in, prompting me to pinch myself. I recalled the bed in my father’s house and the photo of my dad nearby. I had to convince myself I wasn’t dreaming.
Suddenly, I jumped up and rushed to my husband’s side. I screamed, “My God, something is happening to me!” I shook him awake, startling him. He urged me to calm down as I began asking questions to confirm if the events I recalled happened. I described our home, children, and my parents, leaving him in disbelief.
It was midnight, and I nearly burst into my children’s room, shouting with joy and wanting to hug them. The time my memories came rush back was the same time I lost them.
Amnesia to advocacy: embracing a healthier lifestyle and helping others
After the initial euphoria faded, I slipped back into suicidal thoughts, feeling as if I lost everything. As my peers advanced in their careers, I realized during the two crucial years I lost, life moved on without me. I started rebuilding my career from scratch. Filled with self-loathing, I constantly questioned why this happened to me. Shame consumed me as I withdrew from the world, isolating myself.
When I started feeling better, I realized what happened and why. I lived unhealthily, ignoring my well-being. I overloaded myself with tasks, which led to poor eating habits and minimal sleep as a breastfeeding mom. My excessive work drained my energy, causing me to neglect exercise. Rather than resting, I watched television for hours while drinking soda.
Recognizing my mistakes, I now embraced a healthier lifestyle, guiding others to be more mindful. Simultaneously, I skipped an important postnatal check-up after having my second baby. I lived in chaos, believing I thrived under pressure, yet it only led to frequent headaches. I overlooked how postpartum stress could trigger illnesses. This experience taught me an invaluable lesson.
Today, I teach people to take care of themselves and advocate for wellness, which allowed my career in this field to thrive. The harrowing experience I endured also strengthened my relationships. Recently, I published a book titled Rhythms of Embracing Chaos and Mastering Stress. I wrote it to connect with others facing challenges similar to what I went through. I highlight my amnesia as my turning point, believing everyone has their own unique bottom.
